Mindless Chaos In The Illusion

Have any of us, as ACIM students, stepped back today, and asked for reinterpretation by Holy Spirit? Have any of us prayed for the shooter in Newton, Connecticut? Remember, he is one of us. Right now our brains are so damn scrambled that we have simply forgot. We are screaming: Kill the Beast! Blame him, blame his Mother and how he was raised, blame the fiscal cliff, blame the holidays, blame this generation… And our ego is telling us, yes, yes, that’s it, blame him, it surely could not be our collective soul in this hellish mess. It’s okay, remember, we’re on a path here.

What happened in Newton, Connecticut is indeed horrific. There appears to be no explanation, and we are left with the thought of stupendous loss in our Minds. Yes, this is real stuff, babies have been slaughtered, families again torn apart. Senseless.

The great debate raging: GUN CONTROL!!! We indeed know this is not true.

At this very moment, we do not know what to think! Offer it up. Sit down, and ask for help. Not why, but what is this for? What are we doing to ourselves? No one, NO ONE has an answer! Or so it seems. You know where the answer is, you’ve always known.

In all your pain, join now. Here is what was taught to me by Tomas: When you are in the midst of this horrific hellish loss, offer up the Hawaiian prayer: Holoponopono: I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. It breaks open the boundaries of your heart and that is what we need at this very moment.

Much Love and Pink Clouds,


Give Nancy The Socks

On the last day of the Know ThySelf Retreat in Colorado, I was walking out of my room when I noticed that I had one pair of clean socks left. I had recently purchased a bunch of crazy looking socks to take with me.

At one point during the class, I heard: “Give Nancy the socks.” And you know me. Instantly doubted that message, and thought, “Well, that’s a little embarrassing.” I had only met Nancy 3 days before. She was a delightful sprite from Santa Fe, but I didn’t KNOW HER THAT WELL!!!

We had a short break and I really had to pee. And it just so happened I was walking out next to Nancy. I said, “I have something really funny to tell you and give you at the lunch break.” She said, “I’ll be right back, I have to go to my room in the other building, and get some socks, my feet are cold.” Yeah.

I ran to the bathroom and then started chasing her down that really pebbly, hard to run in, path. I finally caught up with her and told her what I had heard. She was as dumbfounded as I was, but thrilled with those purple and black zebra striped socks. She showed them off all day long.

So, once again, sometimes my “messages” seem crazy, and I go back into that crazy arguing mode, and you would think I would have gotten it my now.

I’m working like hell on this because to me, they are truly signs that assist me in learning/living this and they are always right 🙂

Much Love and Pink Clouds,

My Mom Is So Cute!

Mom is 81 years old and lives in Canada. I live in Pennsylvania. Ellie retired at the age of 80, as a server. Truly, 80 is the new 60. She still drives back and forth several times a year. She is self-admittedly the best driver in the family, although she has conceded to me, her only daughter, the grand honor of: Best and Fastest Backer Upper in a vehicle, and does so with much pride. No matter what they do, my 3 younger brothers will never ever achieve this 🙂

Ellie is also a force to be reckoned with. She has assumed the responsibility of being in charge of her own life, my life, my family’s life, my brothers’ families’ lives, and well pretty much the entire fucking world. Since she is the last surviving elder, she has now spread out to cousins and their families. Oh, Aunt Pat is still alive, and older, but her day consists of getting dressed up in her favorite gray pants, her red sweater, eating peanut butter and watching the school lunch menus on TV, Monday through Friday. Not sure what she watches on the weekend and neither is she, if you would ask her. I do have hope for her though. Last Christmas she said: Sally, you are getting taller! I said yes I am. My Mother said: stop it, you are not! Mom, she noticed something and that’s pretty amazing. Not that she is shrinking, but I am getting taller. Cute!

Ellie’s Mom, Sarah, was also the boss of the world, and so I came by this quite naturally, being third generation very much in control “boss”. After studying ACIM for years, I began to realize it was much easier, after a huge epic and to this day ongoing struggle, to hand everything over to HS, and I practice it daily.

Somewhere along the line, Ellie became intrigued with what I am learning. And although she adores Nouk, and was practically related to Tomas, she has decided that she will only learn from me. This is one exploding classroom. I have to admit she is an awesome life lesson and my learning has been greatly accelerated with all those unsuspecting little bombs she places at my feet.

She arrived two days before Thanksgiving and insisted on prepping and cooking everything, which I greatly appreciate since I cater and also run a cafeteria five days a week.

On Day 2 I arrived home from work and my house was in complete chaos, and it’s usually pretty damn zen around here, according to me. I felt like I had some kind of stomach flu and she greets me with: Did you know Leni (my daughter) blah blah blah. Oops, no I didn’t. Well, blah blah blah, which translates into thank God I am here, you are such a bad Mom 😦 She then tells me that she has also laid into Max (youngest son) and what she thinks he should be doing. The only one who escaped the lunacy was Sam (oldest son), lucky bastard, who was at work. She then sat down, looked me in the eyes and asked: Can I stay one more day? I thought, hmmm, clearly there is something she wants to hear.

(For years, including time lived far away in Texas, I have always told her: Mom, I only have one rule for you and that is to love my kids. You do not have to discipline them. Them thar are fighting words, according to the heretical Hagerty’s.)

Oddly, probably for the first time ever, I was not mad at her. I said, I really need a hot bath. While soaking in the tub, I said, OK, Holy Spirit, I need some insight here, and poof, there it was. I was shown a class that I had attended with Nouk and Tomas, and Tomas was off on one of his extremely funny rants. He said, as we start this journey, we are beginning to learn to offer everything up to HS. Well, almost everything. There is this one thing that I truly need to handle my own damn self, so you just sit over there HS and relax, because really, I do know best in this situation. Suddenly I am feeling all happy and silly, and the flu symptoms completely disappeared.

I joined her in the kitchen and swear I was channeling Tomas. I am prancing around and shouting: I am the Matriarch of this family! I know best! My Mother knew best! I am always right! Who are you, you lowly bitch to doubt me? My job is to arrive at your home and totally disrupt your family because you are wrong thinking that Love is the answer. Thank God I am here to straighten you out!

She grabbed a spatula and whacked me on top of the head, but you should have seen the look in her eyes! She was in some kind of pure funked-out bliss. I kept it up and she kept whacking me. Be still my heart, it was truly a holy instant!

It was the best Thanksgiving ever! She and I are learning about such a great Love on this journey and everyone enjoyed the shit out of her and cannot wait for Christmas. I am sure that she will have regrouped, and will come blowing in on a Canadian cold front.

Bring it on Mom, I love you so much for everything we are learning.

Much Love and Pink Clouds,