When I read today that the Pope was resigning, my mind went insidiously bonkers! Hey! Why not me? I could be the first woman Pope!
I posted it on Facebook and looks like perhaps it’s gaining momentum. Someone told me that if I get 1 million likes, that the Vatican has to pick me. I mean, it must be true, right? It was on the internet.
I’m thinking probably my family would love to live in their very own walled City, (oops I think the Vatican is walled in, well hell, if not, it will be) complete with adoring fans, and that would be perfect for Max, my up-and-coming musician. I mean there is even a private stage up there where everyone has to look at you. And really, I think the world is ready for a new set of rules…DUBEL-STYLE!
Oh, and then I went to well how ’bout the Grammy Awards? They would have to let me in, and with the new dress code, my robes would be perfect! Those lovely Pope hats? Clearly I would be a trendsetter. Plus, since I’m the Pope, they would have to let me sit next to Justin Timberlake, and I would boot Taylor Swift to the back of the room for all those mean songs she insists on singing 😦 Max could write me a lovely Pope song, and I would not even lip-sync, it would be all me, all POPE, all live! Oh and Justin, of course.
Besides my Facebook likes, I’m not quite sure about my credentials. I was raised without religion, and one of the silliest things I ever heard in my entire life is that crazy rule about eating fish on Fridays. Really? Obviously, whoever thought that one up has never been a cook that had to clean her own fryer. Plus, there seems to be way too many damn interpretations of the Bible. I’ll get right on cleaning that shit up. OK, Sally, think, what would be an appropriate platform? Remember, you’re making all this up anyway, go for it. Hmmmm….how about Love? Really? It could be that simple? OK, I’m liking this.
And by the way Pope Pickers, I don’t want to have to take some kind of test, unless I am allowed to invent new answers and way more useful edicts or decrees or whatever the hell you call them. And you have to let me pass… ’cause I’m a girl:)
Well, there that should do it. I’m running on Love. Surely, it cannot be that difficult, can it?
Much Love and Pink Clouds,
P.S. My son Sam just texted me and asked if I would be a Popess? Hey Sam, let’s have a contest and they can vote. The winner gets to spend a week with us in the new Pope City (holy shit I just remembered we get a Popemobile too!) with Justin (oh good Lord, you do know I mean Timberlake and not Bieber, even though 2/3 of my family is Canadian) of course. I just love when my kids join in on this with me.