Uh…Looking At This Death Thing

So, through Retreats and teleclasses, our precious Nouk has us taking a really deep look at death. Yikes, and more yikes.

Nouk said: death is our greatest idol, the body is second. Ok, here we go.

We’ve been at this awhile and man things are coming up. I am now paraphrasing some of our answers: Student who has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer is furious because she thinks she is not getting to go home to God as soon as she wanted. Nouk is laughing, and says you don’t go home to God through death. You awaken in the body, while you are still alive.

Another student says her thoughts are that she finally has earned her reward, the punishment is over, rest in peace. Now Nouk is hysterical and says: Jesus says RIP is for the living, not the dead. We have turned his message upside down. What the hell is going on? Everyone is sooooo confused, and upset.

Nouk also said to us: I have so much gratitude for all of you for doing these classes. The message is this: in life is liberation, NOT DEATH. We need to learn to give our body to the right teacher. This is our biggest conflict of all. You are all very brave, I bow at your feet.

And this is how it played out for me. I have been sick since the beginning of the year. First with a cold and then all kinds of weird flu bugs. When we began looking at death, THIS DAMN CLOSELY, I really got sick. Here goes my mind: the first day, I was sure I was having a heart attack, the second day it was cancer, then it was pleurisy, the day following that was a gallbladder infection, and you will notice, that I was making them all seemingly less threatening, less death-like to me, as the days went on. During all this time, I was doing a mantra Nouk had taught us: I choose only to follow God’s Will for myself, from this moment on. In so doing, I choose to forfeit my own independent will in all areas of my life. Along with, Please reveal to me what you would have me know. And I would find myself doing everything I could to distract myself from saying them. But it dawned on me, this was my only way out of this fucking mess, so I continued, badgering myself with beat-me-up thoughts, all the while. Sheesh, such a mess.

About one week into this, I realized what I was doing. Sally, how many times have you been over this? This is no hierarchy of illusions, but oh my, how you do insist! Shit! I got it! No matter what I had, or pretended I had, it didn’t make any damn difference. A splinter is the same as cancer. Hell yes! Hallelujah! Something is finally sinking in!

And with that insight came, along with an immediate healing, some brand new to me, knowledge. By sticking with the mantras, by forcing my own damn self, to keep looking, I realized with great delight, that now I am handing more and more over and the feeling is quite exhilarating. And that is not a word I would ever have used to describe my journey through ACIM.

Actually, this is now fun. If I find myself trying to solve a dilemma (yeah right), and by the way, that is ALL the time, I am finding it easier and quicker to say: oh wait, here let me give this to You, because You know way better, and I love the surprise endings. I can’t wait to see where You will take this. It feels like the greatest game ever.

Much Love and Pink Clouds,


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