Tomorrow, Caley will turn 27. Four weeks ago, she arrived at our home. Caley is the only daughter of my brother Jeff, and his wife, Pam. And uh, she made a mistake, which in turn made my brother furious.
She contacted me about 8 weeks ago, which was unusual in a couple of ways. One, Caley has appeared to be a little asocial over the years so we have not been around her much, and two, she was writing to ask if she could come and live with us.
Funny, as packed as our house seems to be with our 3 adult children living here, my first response to her very loving and heartfelt email, was, yes, of course you can. I could tell by the way it was written, how hard it had been for her to write it.
As I had just recently gone through the “death thing”, I knew Caley was being delivered to me for a very specific classroom, although I had no idea what it would be. Still don’t. I told her that it was really important to me that she contact Jeff as he was my brother, and even though he seemed to be upset right now, her only job was to love him as I love her.
A couple of days later Jeff called and said: “Did you invite Caley to live with you?” “Good Lord, no! Why the hell would I do that? My house is packed!” He then became very appreciative that we would somehow squeeze her in here. Nice.
After a few days he called again and said: “You know you really have to get on Caley about getting a job!. She was fired from that good government job where she was set for life and blah blah blah…” I replied: “Well, the way I see it, my only job is to love Caley. The Holy Spirit has delivered this Holy Child of God to me and who am I to refuse?” Oh man, they hate when I talk like that.
A week later we are having dinner with Jeff and Pam, and Pam starts: it’s Caley’s partner’s fault she is like this, Caley never used to be like this, it’s Jeff’s fault, and a never-ending onslaught. And dammit, I got caught!!!
Suddenly I am seeing her as this entitled spoiled child, who has had everything handed to her, how dare she do this to her parents, there is no way she is going to lay around my house and not work. FUCK!
So I laid down for a nap, offering this mess up. Woke up, still pissed. Spent the evening reading some Course stuff, still pissed. Went to bed, offering, offering, offering. Woke up the next morning, poof, it was all gone. Big Love for Caley is back, hooray!
And what is my first grumpy-ass thought? No, not appreciation for all this, but instead I am beating the shit out of myself that I even got caught in that damn mess. But, that only lasted about a minute, as I gratefully realized: Holy shit, Sally, that took less than 12 hours! Good girl!
Ellie called from Canada last week, sounding a little feisty and not in a good way. Obviously, she wants to get her two cents in here. She said I want you to know that I agree with Jeff and Pam about Caley! Whew! OK, then you get to keep that thought, Mom, but it’s not mine.
Hey, you guys, do you have any idea how hard this shit is? I’m having enough trouble with my own damn mind, watching the thoughts, and this ongoing bombardment does not help one bit!!!
Oh, oh,….wait a minute here. This is perfect! After the “death thing” I arrived somewhere that appears to be sustainable. Like as soon as the thoughts come in, I can offer them up, and poof, relief and peace. You guys are awesome! I brought you all into my own private classroom so that I could learn that it is indeed sustainable, I can listen to you and not be affected! Yesssssssss…thankyouthankyouthankyou!
Welcome to Reform School Caley! It seems we have all assembled here to regroup, learn how to Love, and then head out to wherever we are led.
And Caley just walked out the door….TO A JOB INTERVIEW!
Once again, Love is leading us. Nothing was said, every thought was offered up for reinterpretation, giving her the freedom to figure this all out.
Much Love and Pink Clouds,