I appear to be losing it, and humor and fantasy are my drugs of choice today. At the present moment, I want to be pissed off, grumpy and right, even though it makes me feel like shit.
You have no idea how huge this is for me! Because I’ve been on a spiritual quest for years, I would “fight off” these feelings of pissedoffedness and they would just get buried deeper and deeper, surfacing at the weirdest moments. So this time, I just let ‘er rip. FUCK ALL OF YOU! I AM SO FUCKING MAD I COULD PUNCH YOU AND JUSTIFY IT ALL THE WAY TO HELL AND BACK! I HATE YOUR GUTTS, I WANT TO DIVORCE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AND GET YOU THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!!!
I know in a few days, the Right Minded Sally will kick back in, so there is a part of me that seems to be oddly enjoying wallowing in this boggy swampy mess. Victimhood just seems to be such delightful company today 🙂
Please do not talk to me family. I have no kindness today, nor do I wish to search for any. Go and find your own. Perhaps if you shared it with me, it might make me feel a little better, but I’m kind of doubting it.
I don’t have an ounce of charity or grace left in my soul. It has been sucked dry, and if that makes you happy, so be it. I know that misery loves company, but I refuse to share mine with you because mine is so very very special that there is no way in fucking hell that I will even let you have a taste of it. Because I know how much you would love to get down in here with me and help me with the “Life Is So Unfair So Let’s See Who We Can Beat The Shit Out Of Slugfest” and I would like to claim this particular victimhood for my own damn self.
And you know what? You are such good buddies to read my rant and that has finally made me smile, actually snicker, at this entire fucking mess. Because it all just so damn silly. Yay SALLEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Delightedly I’ve realized through this writing, that this quest has never been about spirituality. It’s all about me being happy, and there is nothing YOU can do about it. It is all up to Lovely Me :}
Pink Clouds and Much Love,